Spring has sprung & in the homeschool world, that can mean a couple of things.
#1 - You've almost finished the school year.
#2 - You haven't almost finished the school year, but the school year has nearly finished you...
#3 - It's graduation season.
It's different process in every state, city, community & homeschool family, to be sure, but the completion of homeschooling your child throughout high school is really something of an accomplishment.
It's actually a very big deal.
For the student, for sure.
Also for the homeschooling parent (who often times is primarily the mom in the family).
You may be able to participate in a group graduation (in our community all five of our children participated in a very professionally done ceremony with other local homeschoolers via a homeschool organization). Or you may do your own thing with just friends or family (which happened a lot due to COVID... isn't it interesting how so many things that were "weird" that homeschoolers did prior to 2020 became "un-weird" due to COVID? You can probably audibly hear my eye-roll...).
I'm not going to touch on all the aspects of the graduation ceremonies we had with our children, and I don't plan on giving any party planning advice (although I did have a TON of fun working on each of my children's individual and unique high school graduation celebrations).
I plan to just stick with some things that are, well, more about the emotions that come with the end of your child's homeschooling adventures.
So, here goes!
Mom, even though you worked your tail off to get them to this point, don't be surprised if this is seen as their moment almost exclusively. And, yeah, it IS their moment. They are stepping into adulthood & stepping out of homeschooling. It's a big moment, so even if it stings a little (or a lot!) to have their achievement celebrated but your achievement kind of go unnoticed, try not to let that interfere with A) celebrating well & B) combining your emotions about your child's graduation with your emotions about your achievement in having homeschooled them through graduation being "overlooked". It is so, so easy to mix up those emotions and I want to encourage you to keep them separate. They are two completely different things you need to actually feel - but feel them individually.
It's okay for this to be your child's moment.
And it is also okay for you to find a way to celebrate your achievement, too. Just maybe not at the exact same time... (I really do think this is super-important! At some point in time, you ought to celebrate your hard work & your role in your child's education. Do this & if your spouse doesn't know you need to do this, please share this post with them & tell them the author said they HAD to read it. It's a big deal. So make it a big deal --- within, say, a few weeks of graduation day.)
Next piece of helpful info would have to be to not become a helicopter parent in the coming months. For real, just don't do it.
Yes, it is hard to stop functioning as a parent the way that you likely have for the last X number of years. But your child really does need to have some forward momentum start right at the time of their graduation. Because if nothing changes for them, really, then what was the point?
When our children were young, we sort of thought about the end of the road and what we wanted to be the result of homeschooling for the long haul. And one of the primary objectives was that by the time they reached adulthood they would, in fact, be adults.
What's funny, though, is that I didn't expect it to be so challenging for me to let them be adults. (keyword BE...)
Let them be in as many parts of their life as you can. Try not to hover. Give advice, sure, but ideally give it when they seek it rather than 27 times each day. I grew up by steps & missteps, and I suspect you did, too. As much as we have been a sheltering presence in their lives (in good ways, in Biblical ways) we also must let God be God. Trust Him with your child post-graduation.This is not the time to let fear take hold of your heart. (And when fear gets a hold of us, we can become terribly controlling & that just has sort of a rotten stench to it, am I right?)
Wow, I sort of feel like I am bludgeoning you with hard things via this post. And I'm kind of sorry about that! But the need to share with you some lessons that were - ahem - hard learned for me far outweighs the discomfort I'm potentially creating.
A helicopter parent will text and call their child all-the-time. May ask for pictures of their meals (this is more common on college campuses than you'd think...but if mom & dad don't believe the young adult can eat without their help, does the child feel hamstrung rather than worthy of their diploma? Just sayin'!)
I could say much more about helicopter parenting, but I am guessing you get the idea. Would it be helpful for your parents to choose your shampoo brand at this stage in life? No. And it's not helpful for you to expect them to call you as soon as they finish taking that exam or text you to let you know they're about to do a load of laundry. Sure, you'd like to know how they're doing... but this isn't the way to build a next level in your relationship with your now-adult child.
Don't expect your spouse to feel the same emotions you may be feeling about this stage of life closing and a new day dawning. Sure, you each may experience many of the same things, but it may be on very different timelines. I processed things really early when our children graduated. And so, by the time we moved them onto their respective college campuses, I was doing fairly well. It was very hard, for sure - but I had been processing things and praying about August move-in day since, say, April. My husband really just enjoyed the summer months with our recent graduated and then he felt all the things, all the emotions, full on during move-in weekend. That's okay. That's pretty normal. Keep a no judgement zone in your marriage when it comes to this issue. Because if you don't, oh will it ever grow to be an ISSUE... (ask me how I know???)
Oh, and here is one important side note: your other children will have their own feelings of loss, emotions, all of that stuff as well. It may not be articulated very well, especially if they are really young. And some kids just don't do change very well. Expect it and try to help them navigate it even if they don't totally know what they're feeling or why they're feeling it.
Last thing I'd like to mention regarding your homeschoolers pending high school graduation ~ once it's done, it is done. Enjoy these last few weeks of homeschooling. Have a few fun lunches. Talk about your child's unique character qualities. Buy them a brand-new hardcover copy of their favorite book from the homeschool years (one they read as an "assignment" but grew to love & might cherish having an edition of that is their very own). Let them do something crazy to commemorate this moment ~ build something out of wood, like a bookshelf they can take with them to college or when they move out one day, or buy a huge canvas and paint it (there are ways to "paint" that even the most un-artistic person can do - I'll throw up a picture to give you an example). Have an all dessert dinner one night. Make it special & terrific, because that is exactly what this moment really is. Special & terrific.
That's it for this blog post.
Feel free to share this anywhere homeschoolers might read it and gain a nugget of helpful info from it.
And remember, mom (or dad), you had a huge part to play in the formation of your child into an adult. Trust God with them now & trust yourself to Him, too. He knows how hard this is. And He can help you navigate it with the least possible amount of strain.
Lord bless you!
~ Jan L. Burt
host of The Burt (Not Ernie) Show podcast - listen at JanLBurt.com or anywhere podcasts can be found.
author of The Power of God's Will - 40 Days of God's Promises Devotional (on Amazon)
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